Script for the demo

[Tom]

Here is some of what I've worked on for the demo script. So far it's branched once. I plan to add at least one branch within each branch. Eventually there will be a sequence where he leaves the apartment for supplies and runs across one of the other characters. But tell me what you think of the writing, the tone, and anything else you see.

Girlfriend-Kun
Gin.

MC
Huh. Good job.

I gather up the cards and begin to shuffle again. The deck is already so worn that I can pretty much read her hand just by looking at the back of it, but we keep on going, hand after hand. We've been at it for hours now. Before this, it was Hold 'em. Before that, Crazy 8s. We'd move on to something else but I don't think either of us know any other good card games.

I look at the clock. It's been about half an hour since the last time I tried it...

MC
Hold on.

Girlfriend-kun
Eh? Oh.

I turn on the TV and flick through the channels. Nothing. Not even static. Just a black screen and dead silence on every network. I turn it back off and sit down again.

Girlfriend-kun
Why do you even bother?

MC
What?

Girlfriend-kun
The TV. You might as well leave it on.

MC
Yeah. Force of habit, I guess.

I shuffle some more and deal another hand. While we play, I watch her closely. I'm beginning to think she might be breaking up a little. But then again, maybe I'm just projecting. We've only been holed up for a week but there's definitely been a psychological toll -- no denying it. Just trying to sleep at night, listening to the far off gunfire, the cries... the moaning--

Girlfriend-kun
It's your turn.

MC
Oh. Sorry.

I loved her once, and in some ways I suppose I still do. We were going through a... rough patch before everything collapsed, and I wasn't sure if we were going to pull through. But we're stuck together now.

MC
Are you hungry?

She thinks about it for a moment. Every interaction we have these days seems kind of sluggish. Like we're working through it all in slow-mo just to run down the clock. To while away the time.

She twirls her hair a little bit with her forefinger. I remember when I saw her doing that during from across the room during a really tough exam. It's what attracted me to her in the first place. Now when I see her do it, it makes me inexplicably angry. I just want to tell her to stop fuc--

Girlfriend-kun
I guess so.

MC
Huh?

Girlfriend-kun
Yeah, I guess I'm hungry. Do we still have eggs?

I get up and walk into the kitchen. She hasn't been in here for a couple days and I don't think she knows how bad the food situation is. I open the fridge -- it's empty except for a bottle of ketchup.

MC
Sorry. We're out of eggs.

Girlfriend-kun
Well, whatever you feel like making is fine, then.

Whatever I feel like making. Ha. There really isn't anything left to make. I open the cabinet. A can of tomato soup and a jar of half-eaten peanut butter. A tube of saltine crackers. A sealed jar of sauerkraut. When the hell did I even buy sauerkraut in the first place?

I poke my head into the living room.

MC
Do you like sauerkraut?

Girlfriend-kun
No.

I go back to the kitchen and open the jar of sauerkraut, pouring a little into a bowl and throwing the rest of it in the fridge. I put some peanut butter in another bowl. I grab the crackers and go back out, offering Girlfriend-kun the bowl of peanut butter.

Girlfriend-kun
Crackers and peanut butter again?

MC
For you. I'm having crackers and sauerkraut.

Girlfriend-kun
Well why aren't you giving me some of the sauerkraut then? I don't want to eat the same thing twice.

MC
But you said--

I bite my tongue and stare up at the ceiling, shaking my head. This isn't worth fighting over.

MC
Fine. Switch bowls with me.

I offer her my bowl. She leans forward to look at it, sniffing. Then she sits back without taking it from me.

Girlfriend-kun
On second thought, I think I'll just have the peanut butter.

MC
Are you for fucking real right now?

Girlfriend-kun
Yeah, MC, I'm for real. I can't change my mind? Is that it? I can't change my mind now?

This might be the most ridiculous argument I've ever had in my life. I just sigh and start eating. We both eat in silence, glaring at our bowls. She finishes first and stands up.

Girlfriend-kun
I think I'm going to take a nap.

She sets the bowl on the table next to me and begins to walk away. I don't acknowledge her. As she turns for the bedroom, though, she stops.

Girlfriend-kun
We're running out of food, aren't we?

The question is so sudden, and I have a mouthful of crackers and nasty fermented cabbage, so I can't speak for a moment. It gives me some time to think about my answer.

I look up at her. She's trying to look strong, probably half for my sake and half for her own, but her voice was shaky just now, and I can see she's got tears in her eyes. A pleading look on her face.

Lie to her
Tell her the truth


Tell her the truth

There's no point in pretending. She's going to find out sooner rather than later. I give a grim little half-nod.

MC
Yeah.

Girlfriend-kun's lower lips give a little tremble. But she bites it down. And then with the same shaky voice:

Girlfriend-kun
What are we going to do?

MC
I'm going to have to go foraging for food. There's a grocery store not too far from here. I could take your bat with me for protection.

Girlfriend-kun
You'd go out there alone?

MC
I... well you don't want to go too, do you?

Girlfriend-kun
I don't want... I don't want you--

She stops herself and trails off, lowering her eyes. There's a long moment of silence.

Girlfriend-kun
I'm sorry. I'm really tired. We should talk about this later.

And so she goes to bed, leaving me alone in the living room.

Lie to her

MC
No. We should be good for at least a week.

Girlfriend-kun
Oh. Okay. That's... good, then. That's good.

MC
Yeah.

Girlfriend-kun
Well... I'm gonna go to bed. But I'm sorry... for snapping at you earlier.

The sudden reminder of it riles me a little bit, so I look back down to the deck of cards on the table and nod.

MC
Yeah. Okay.

Girlfriend-kun
I love you. You're... you're all I have left.

I pick up the deck of cards and fiddle with it.

MC
Yeah. Me too.

She seems a little crestfallen that I'm not enthusiastic about it, but I can't bring myself to fake it. She turns and goes into the bedroom. It occurs to me that we haven't even had sex one time since we barricaded ourselves inside. Or for a month before that.

I put the cards down and go over to the window. I peek out of a crack between the plywood boards and see one of those... things... just stumbling around in the waning daylight. His left leg is badly mangled and he walks with a slow gait. His head is cocked upwards, like he's staring at a passing airplane. His jaw hangs open and a gray tongue protrudes from out of his gray mouth.

I watch him for a long time. He walks in wide circles there in the parking lot, staring up at nothing. Watching him from the safety of the apartment puts me ill at ease. The knowledge that I'm going to have to leave for food sooner rather than later is terrifying.

Suddenly, the creature snaps to attention and lurches off toward something in the distance. I can't see where he's going without pulling down one of the barricades for a better view.

[railgun]

I enjoyed the flow of it. Only thing that's troubling me is how we want to introduce the outbreak; before the intro, during, or after.

For your demo, the outbreak would be at least a week before we were introduced to the 2 characters. Information such as their personal situation along with the setting of zombies were brief, but gave a general direction of what was happening.

The idea of having the player learn about the epidemic along with the MC could benefit by pacing themselves and may build more danger if they can experience being thrown into this zombie infested world from the get go.

High school of the Dead did the introduction of MC follow by watching a teacher interacting with a zombie, which got the viewers bit more insight about the cast, but for our purposes, all we have is MC and his girlfriend in mind, which may include "the friend".

An idea that was thrown during IRC was having the friend and girlfriend over at the MC's house playing cards, follow by the friend leaving the two alone so that MC can break it off with the girlfriend, which then had the zombies come out. This can bring the cliffhanger feel of never confirming the discussion, leaving it to hold in the back of the mind for the player, if they choose to continue this discussion or not.

My personal idea for an introduction would be having the MC and the girlfriend running away from the zombies. This scenario can help place the player straight into the action, with hints of people eating people, city going to shit, and sets them up to hold up at their house/apartment, which can then be method to direct the MC to the other girls. The television in the house could inform the viewer and the MC about the outbreak, which is where the two can have a nice chat about their future, either together or not.

Following my idea, I would like to discuss the purpose of the girlfriend. The original poster stated MC was planning to break up with the girlfriend before the outbreak came. I believe this could be used as the turning point for players when choosing girls and routes, such as either stay with your girlfriend, or the new girl.

This is another concept that I think we can use for the girlfriend; she will follow you during all the routes, and the choices you make will break into choices favored by the girlfriend, the new girl, or a neutral/bad decision. The idea is that this will force players to decide different scenarios based on different factors, leading to new situations and new routes. Also I cannot see another reason why we would ditch the girlfriend morally for another girl, I see this more as a party group thing where you try to build a understanding between them during your journey. Another reason is to interpret the desire to make the girlfriend a "yandere" type who could lead to bad endings and conflict.

Please feed back anything on how to expand the story plot or introduction delivery. I believe we decided for a deadline for the main concepts in 2 weeks, so let's not have this project die on us before it even gets a chance.

[onestep]

So is this the sum total of the demo, or do we want to add some more meat to it, so to speak?
Because it seems a little short right now.

[railgun]

How I see it, we need a demo to show that MC and the girlfriend have conflict, zombies are coming or already here, and possibly have the demo script introduce the cast, oh and for kicks lets throw in a few bad endings. I see MC spending the first week getting his shit together, allowing the player to select their route, follow by escaping the city which is where we should end the demo.

[robbob]

Disclaimer:
I am not the best writer. This post is just to throw ideas around.


This might be my final curtain.
The lack of food in the apartment finally forced me (Denton) to go out and forage for food. I had carefully studied the habits of the Zs from the roof of the apartment. They seemed to leave the area at about 4:30 in the morning, or at least they had for the past two nights. I didn’t know where they went, but I decided to take my chances on limited information. Hunger can be a powerful motivator.

For some reason, they did not go away tonight. Halfway home from the grocer, I was ambushed by a bunch of 5 Zs. They apparently still are smart enough to know tactics, because they managed to surround me in a circle about 10 meters in diameter by hiding between various bits of rubble. They must have learned that their prey will go to places with food and then return to their fortified homes. Clever Bastards. They seem to be real hunters, not mindless animals. Between seeing the news footage and observing firsthand what happened to my professor, I know what will happen next. I----

1) Go down fighting.
2) Cry for mommy.

OPTION 1)
I curse this world for its unfairness under my breath. If I must die, I will die like a man. I pull my girlfriend’s bat from my backpack. My final thought is that I regret that I won’t be able to help her survive in this hellscape.
DEAD END
OPTION 2)
“I hate this. Why does shit like this always happen to me?!?” I baw. The Zs are closing in. Suddenly two loud cracks clatter out in the darkness. Three of the Zs fall to the ground. I don’t know what is going on, but I am not encircled anymore and I take advantage of the opening that was given to me. I don’t think that the other Zs are chasing me.


Naomi (cop) comes out of the shadows.

[Tougou]

Throwing out a suggestion here. Since it's just a demo, we should include the nightmare sequences just to show the player some sneak peaks at possible routes and such.

[railgun]

Feb 8, 2012 13:38:04 GMT -5 Tougou said:

Throwing out a suggestion here. Since it's just a demo, we should include the nightmare sequences just to show the player some sneak peaks at possible routes and such.

I love the idea where after the first night, MC wakes up, sees bro and girlfriend both zombies, eat him alive, and we troll the audience with a bad end credit and after its done he wakes up legit. Best way to joke is to allow throw them a bone and let them choose to run or fight, only to die in both, only to wake up from it.
Is this night mare thing going to be our equivalent to Hiaso's heart attacks? Can we make sure he doesn't just get 1 nightmare and never talk about it again?

[railgun]

So Tom most likely the demo is going to be about Day 0, telling the player about the break up that won't happen, and finding out about the zombies with the MC?
For your cameo thing for the other players, do you want to put them in their profession or just be back ground characters mentioned somewhere? Will bro be here?